


in the waves i've lost every trace of you

by orphan_account



Series: holocene [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, by the way no one dies i know that's what the summary looks like and im sORRY, did i ever tell yall that poetic nonsense was my strong suit, luke's not in it but it's about him, ocean imagery, so only kinda luke, this doesn't make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:04:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a twinkling red sun and sparkling blue waters, sea foam dusted across warm sandy shores. the dark uninhabitable depths of the ocean, the black of night, and the brilliant white moon shining through.</p>
<p>ashton is gone. completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in the waves i've lost every trace of you

**Author's Note:**

> so I'm doing stuff with that student!ash & musician!luke AU thing I accidentally created but fell in love with maybe
> 
> this is prior to the first piece, ash & luke are a lot younger here. like highschoolers.

there is light somewhere. somewhere far, far offshore—where the waves crash against dusty sandbanks, and the rising sun glitters through the left-behind white washes of sea foam.

ashton pictures this painted on the backs of his eyelids. he grasps so tightly to the image of the shore, of the long outstretching dry land. he yearns for it, prays for it—would do anything to be able to breathe again. he is so far gone, sunk so deep; choking, drifting, cold, so far gone and lost in the cold dark ocean waters of luke’s eyes.

luke.

_luke._

luke who is the light and the ocean and the sun rise and set and the dark uninhabited dangerous waters and the blackened night sky and the brilliant white moon all at once, all at once and it’s too much. it’s too much. ashton is choking. he can’t keep his head above water. he can’t swim or breathe or see and Luke has taken him over completely. completely.

ashton is gone. completely. gone for Luke. gone for the goddamn atlantic that now resides in his lungs, his heart pulsing, pushing and pulling the great waves of burning love and lust and hurt and hate and confusion. all this goddamn confusion.

because here he is, 4am, curled and sad in the pitch black of his bedroom. all the thrashing of the night has brought his green sheets to a mussed up mess and he can still smell luke on them. still smell the beautiful boy he’s given everything he’s got.

luke has been so cold and distant ashton could scream. could scream from the rooftops. that he’s in love, that he hurt, that he’s confused, that he just wants luke back in his arms. never is he ever going to want luke anywhere but his arms. never ever never, but maybe that’s not what luke wants anymore and ashton could scream. he could scream.

they used to go to school and be there and have everything be perfectly fine. luke would kiss him before they parted ways after lunch. he’d find the time to tell him how much he loves him, find the time to invite him over and love him down and ashton would be on up on cloud nine because luke is all he’s ever wanted.

but now it’s different. they go to school and they’re there and nothing is fine. luke doesn’t kiss him, more just smiles at him warily. he doesn’t find the time to tell him he loves him. he hasn’t said it in forever. luke is all ashton’s ever wanted. all he’s ever wanted and he’s suffocating because of it.

sometimes luke will cry by himself in the music room and hide it from ashton. this is the worst because ashton accidentally sees it when he pops in after school to pick him up (that luke still allows because what a big fucking sign it would be if all of a sudden he was saying no to rides from his boyfriend) and his heart shatters to a million pieces and all of a sudden he’s not sure if it’s safe for him to be driving because the person he loves most in this world is broken down and hiding from him and he might be a little too hysterical to think clearly and god fucking dammit he can’t breathe, he can’t--

he is drowning. gulping down gallons and gallons of water just fucking praying that luke will be okay and that they’ll be okay and that when school properly ends they’ll continue to be okay.

he didn’t ever know it would be this hard to be with the person he loved. he didn’t know how absolutely suffocating and heartbreaking luke could be. they were only kids. it shouldn’t be this hard.

the sun has started to rise and ashton has accepted he will get no sleep. he rolls onto his back, hearing the quiet pops of his back and cringing, pushing his glasses up his nose. he’s looking at the ceiling but all he can see are luke’s eyes. all he can ever see is luke.

floating in this endless blue, he paints a red sun rising over and sparkling tide, a brilliant white moon against pitch black sky, big bright blue eyes that don’t scream ‘i’m sinking and taking you down with me’ but ‘we’ll be okay’.

there are tears in his eyes. how he fucking prays they’ll be okay. he needs them to be okay.

ashton may be drowning in luke, but he’s also the only thing keep him alive under all these dark, uncontrollable waves of misery and longing.

somewhere, he hopes he’s the one keeping luke alive too.

**Author's Note:**

> so that is that kinda
> 
> ashton is just a miserable teenager and is way too over dramatic about his feelings
> 
> I kind of took a break from beating myself up over not being able to write anything but over the top sad frufru idealistic bullshit and just slipped back into it here I'm sorry I've done lashton a great misjustice (mostly because everything I've put out lately just feels bleh)
> 
> anyway there's probs gonna be more of this version of luke and ash (definitely gonna do something where we find out wth is wrong with them here) I think I'm finally starting to get a handle on the dynamic I would like to employ for them (for the most part ??) (and definitely in this lil scribble series)
> 
> I'd love to hear your feedback, thanks for reading babes xx


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